Beth Sabatino
Home Ice Advantage, o/s

I love this one shot! So often people try to play off a scene or an introduction as a one-shot, but you gave the full arc of a story with this one. I love that Bella is a season ticket holding hockey fan! Obviously this is not a story about your Pens, because they have hardly needed rebuilding years. My hubs and I used to drive over a couple times of year to the Igloo before we got our Blue Jackets. :)

Back to the story! I love that it is a gradual build. He spots her, and it is an almost shy flirtation composed of glances and soft smiles and speculative friends. The kiss at the end was perfect, because it was the moment. There was great energy from the win building up to the second he strides up to her at the bar.

Very well done!
Beth Sabatino
Sincerely, Sergent Masen, Ch. 1-15

I am really enjoying this story so far. I love letter writing, and was thrilled to see it was such a big part of this story. I like that you have a confident, and athletically inclined Bella. She is not trying to be anything other than the age she is. That age when you are on the cusp of adulthood.

She has a good heart, but it will be interesting how the next four weeks play out being that she is still, legally, taboo. I almost hope that you keep them friends for now, and let anything more than that develop at it's own pace. I would be fine if this relationship spends years as friends as he finishes up his tour and she starts college. But this is your story. :)

Just a friendly note that there are the occasional grammatical errors that might dissuade people from continuing your story, which I think is a shame. A pre-reader or beta would pick out those few bugs.

Looking forward to the next chapter!
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Beth Sabatino
Overtime by Dreamrider

I greatly enjoyed this story. This was recommended to me by two people when I was searching out Hockeywards after watching the All Star Skill Challenge last weekend. :)

You grew Bella nicely from someone oblivious to the game to someone who has found the magic and excitement of the sport. That it isn't just about sticks and pucks, but the inclusion and combined energy you get watch and cheering with 15K people. Especially in big games, it almost pulses.

I liked your Edward in this one. He is the first one to fall unabashedly. He wants her, and pursues and often begs. It is fun to see him be the irrational one and Bella the beacon of practicality.

This is exactly what I was looking for when I put out the call for recommendations. Very well done!