The Count of Tuscany, Ch 1-10

This is like nothing I have ever read, and believe me...I have read a LOT.

This concept of the Volturi coming for Edward even though he feels like he has "wiped the slate clean" is fascinating. I love that you have thrown in the abduction of Seth as well, and how Aro learns of and uses the block Seth has on Alice to leave the Cullens blind. I think this is the most "real" the Volturi have felt to me. They have personalities beyond the stereotypes of their characters. There are jokers and fascination and even an ounce of compassion in places not seen before.

Then let's just say that Edward's punishment. Wow! I could feel the claustrophobia of the situation. I even walked outside after reading Chapter 9 and took a couple of deep breaths.

You have masterfully played this latest chapter. As soon as I realized he was in the room, I knew where you were going after the set-up in 9, and almost applauded out loud.

I cannot WAIT to read more!

Every so often, I like to read through to see how others are reacting to an exciting, or turning point, chapter in a story I am reading. Most people write about their reactions to a characters decisions or the emotions evoked by what they have just read. Some are gracious and thankful for another page in a journey they are on with the author and the characters.

These reactions are all what an author wants to hear. They want to know that you love/hate their characters. They want to know when the decisions are/aren't the ones that you would have made in their shoes. These types of comments let them know you are in this with them. That you see yourselves in this world, or you don't. They all show that you care. This makes it all worth the time they are taking out of their lives to share this bit of themselves through their story telling. It is what helps them find the time and motivation for that next chapter.

Here is where I step out of my usual shoes, and get a little ranty.

The link at the bottom of the page says, "Review this Chapter". It does not say "Criticize this person's update schedule", "Attack them personally for not writing the story YOU want", or anything along those lines. Nothing should ever be said about the author themselves. This is a venue for discussing the FREE story you are reading. These are real people with real lives and real feelings. They have jobs, kids, families, and yes, sometimes, vacations.

Before you hit that submit button, look at what you have written. In anyway are you attacking the author and not the characters? Is there any critique on the frequency of updates? (It's OK to jokingly ask for the next update tomorrow. That shows that you are excited or eager. Those make us smile.)

In the end, if you can't find something constructive to say, just say "Thank-you" or writing nothing at all.

It all started back in March of 2009, when a favorite link from manyafandom led me to a little story called Over the Top. I never would have guessed when I left my first review after catching up in the story (to Chapter 7) that I had found my lobster.

EJ Santry
2009-03-06 . chapter 7
Huge thanks to manyafandom for pointing me in the direction of your story! I love a broken Edward needing reformation. And who doesn't want to be transformed by Jasper's healing touch? I think this time apart will be good for Edward and hopefully he will return ready to make steps towards something he has never experienced. A relationship.

P.S. That diner scene has my stomach growling. Did you have to describe the food so deliviously? ;-)

A few weeks later, I received this:

EJ Santry,

The following review has been submitted to: Diseased Affair Chapter: 3

From: starfish422 ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1776950/ )
Reply URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/review_pm.php?reviewid=80606246
-------------------

I'm getting drawn in to this story!! Looking forward to continuing. :)

We quickly started swapping emails not just about our stories, but about life. A friendship was quickly forming. Katie was not only friendly, but I admired her steadfast ideals and warm heart.

On November 2009, I first got to lay eyes and my greedy arms around my Katie.

From Niagara Falls

She was even more wonderful in person, and our conversations and even our silences that weekend were as easy as they ever were online. That weekend cemented the fact that this was a lifetime friend.

I enjoyed spending time with Katie again last fall when she came to visit me, and am lucky enough to have not one, but two visits with her this year.

Katie, love, you are my best, my only, my lobster. I love you and hope you have a wonderful birthday!

P.S. Real present is to be bought when I see you in person. Nice, new bras for the new boobs. :)

Home Ice Advantage, o/s

I love this one shot! So often people try to play off a scene or an introduction as a one-shot, but you gave the full arc of a story with this one. I love that Bella is a season ticket holding hockey fan! Obviously this is not a story about your Pens, because they have hardly needed rebuilding years. My hubs and I used to drive over a couple times of year to the Igloo before we got our Blue Jackets. :)

Back to the story! I love that it is a gradual build. He spots her, and it is an almost shy flirtation composed of glances and soft smiles and speculative friends. The kiss at the end was perfect, because it was the moment. There was great energy from the win building up to the second he strides up to her at the bar.

Very well done!

Sincerely, Sergent Masen, Ch. 1-15

I am really enjoying this story so far. I love letter writing, and was thrilled to see it was such a big part of this story. I like that you have a confident, and athletically inclined Bella. She is not trying to be anything other than the age she is. That age when you are on the cusp of adulthood.

She has a good heart, but it will be interesting how the next four weeks play out being that she is still, legally, taboo. I almost hope that you keep them friends for now, and let anything more than that develop at it's own pace. I would be fine if this relationship spends years as friends as he finishes up his tour and she starts college. But this is your story. :)

Just a friendly note that there are the occasional grammatical errors that might dissuade people from continuing your story, which I think is a shame. A pre-reader or beta would pick out those few bugs.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Overtime by Dreamrider

I greatly enjoyed this story. This was recommended to me by two people when I was searching out Hockeywards after watching the All Star Skill Challenge last weekend. :)

You grew Bella nicely from someone oblivious to the game to someone who has found the magic and excitement of the sport. That it isn't just about sticks and pucks, but the inclusion and combined energy you get watch and cheering with 15K people. Especially in big games, it almost pulses.

I liked your Edward in this one. He is the first one to fall unabashedly. He wants her, and pursues and often begs. It is fun to see him be the irrational one and Bella the beacon of practicality.

This is exactly what I was looking for when I put out the call for recommendations. Very well done!

Through the Flames, Ch. 1-37

I began this story on Saturday, and needless to say...there went my weekend. I happy surrendered it to you and this story.

Being an expert or even closely affiliated with any of the professions you touch upon in this story, I can't help but feel, or at least hope, that you are. I love the detail you have given in explaining their lives. Not just the emotions they evoke, but the details of routine and life for the men and women we encounter in the firehouse, hospital, EMTs, and physical therapy. You show each one of these professions such respect...respect they deserve. There are so people who do have a calling deep in their bones. Whether it be to save and protect lives, write, mother, etc. It is just THERE for some people.

I love your Bella. She is steadfast and big hearted. She is not a pushover and isn't afraid to call Edward out while at the same time comforting while pushing him forward. Despite the fact that this man saved her life, she doesn't have the hero worship. She sees him for what he is, a man. A fallible, needing man.

Your Edward is also quickly becoming a favorite. He is confused and lost and angry. I cannot imagine having all that defines you teetering on the edge of disappearing. When someone who has done everything "right", suddenly faces the fact that it isn't enough. You set him up so well as someone who has worked so hard. He is financially secure, and even a little less so by being so generous to his family (to a fault). His life is his job. Once injured, he is now faced that his career/life might be over, and that his financial generosity has left him vulnerable of losing his house, which in this case I think is rather a metaphor for his hopes. Hopes of a future and family.

Things seem to be moving toward the optimistic lately, though. Edward is making strides in recovery. He is financially stable at the moment, though not ideally. And most importantly, he and Bella have admitted to the feelings they have been holding back. I love the pace you have given the two of them. They both have so much more going on, that they needed this time. Time for strangers to become friends, and for friends to realize that they have been lovers all along.

I can't wait to see how you bring this one home!

Dear Mr. Masen, Ch. 7

I am so happy to find that you guys have been able to translate the witty banter and quirky personalities into their "in person" interactions. I love their quick wittedness, and how they both roll with whatever the other dishes out.

I continue to enjoy Bella's creative reasoning for Edward's presence and continued kindness. Also, Edward's sweetness is without bounds. I will enjoy her starting to realize that he is single for the same reasons she is. They are both awkward and intelligent, and that, unfortunately, often makes dating difficult until you find someone just as quirky as you are.

Finally, you have established that dating w/in the company is taboo, and even forbidden. It will be interesting to see how this is worked around and conquered. Will the Boy Scout break the rules?

Stranger Than Fiction, The End

Though they have been charted and mapped for centuries, one never can tell how or when the stars will align. Happily for the both of you, and luckily for all of us, they did when you two set out on this venture...or shall I say adventure, together.

You have given us a strong Bella who has survived the NM departure. Not only survived, but persevered, achieved, lived. She is what a woman of her age should be in experience and situation. When Edward reemerges, she doesn't balk. She sets out to claim what she was denied, but most importantly, takes her time and makes him work to regain her trust.

I think your Edward is equally the most boyish and unsure I have seen him portrayed as a vamp. He, too, has suffered and is in full realization that he is the cause of everyone's suffering. He is not the martyr, though, that we have seen so many times. He knows what he wants. He works and fights for Bella. He is not afraid anymore to express and claim what he desires. Selfishness is OK in this new order.

Finally, I think you have shown the other Cullens and the aftermath of the NM leave as we have not seen them. We see how his leaving and distance affected the unit. Though Edward always felt on the outside, you write how THEY are/were not complete without him. I love how you show their hurt, pain, and loss of not having their brother/son around.

I have truly loved and enjoyed the story you have gifted us with. You write wonderful dialog and physically put the reader in the mind, heart, and sometimes body of your characters. Also, him falling out of that tree still makes me laugh my ass off.

Good luck to you both and thank-you!

-Bethie

I Never Knew, Ch. 1-10

Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in.

I love the concept of this story. The fact that Bella has been kept in the dark about her parentage. That she has no knowledge of Charlie until she is informed of his death, because of her inheritance.

Also, this is a powerful catalyst for a sheltered young woman to decide to take control of her life. That in the face of lost choices, she finds the courage to start take control of her future.

The fact that Edward is the adopted son of the unknown father give them the perfect tie to keep his curiosity peeked in her while allowing her to need him to learn about the man, the father, she never was given the chance to know in life.

I like that you are giving them time to get to know each other through Charlie. That nothing is rushed, but that there is a gradual familiarity growing. Their company is starting to shift from obligation/need to wanting to be together. I really like the pace you have set. Now it will be interesting if you maintain it to avoid disaster, or if you spark something to add some uncertainty/drama. ;)

Marked, Ch. 26

You guys are my 1300th review! *throws confetti*

This chapter and Jasper's revelation was a long time coming. I have loved every moment of these men's journey. They have gone from lust to like to lost to love. Every step has been beautifully crafted by you lovely women, and this one is the cream on the top.

Jasper manning up and stepping past his fear and reservations to embrace what is in his heart was such a stunningly beautiful moment. That he wasn't willing to wait another minute. Then to see him stand up to his brother and defend Edward was such a wonderful moment.

Thank-you both for this story.

The Cullen Campaign, Ch. 27

*throws arms around you and your chapter* OH how I've missed you!

It had drifted to my periphery just how much I was missing the cleverness and intelligence of your writing and characters until I was tossed back into the Lion's Den. The epic awkwardness of this dinner, while everyone sorts out motivations and next moves at the same time as dealing with Renee's heinous cooking.

I love that you have allowed Charlie to trust in Edward and his motivations. That it is clear that he is in love with Bella, and is allowing for that. His concern seems to be, now, of protecting her and Edward in turn, so their relationship is not sullied. He is also protecting campaigns, but I think in the end he is just a dad struggling with not being his little girl's number one anymore.

I have a feeling that the Cullen reaction is going to be a bigger storm than the Swans.

Friday's At Noon, Ch. 13

I love that you allowed Bella to put herself out there emotionally. I often feel it is more detrimental to yourself to hold back emotions than to let them out and face possible rejection.We knew Edward wasn't going to take well for this, being emotionally stunted. Now, we at least know a bit of the history of his fear of what loving someone could mean.

It was also nice to see Edward so at ease and playful in this chapter, while at the same time ceding to Bella in quiet ways.He still pushes and makes decisions independently, but he is starting to allow, for the lack of a better word, Bella to lead in moments.

Edward's shift in ideals will not happen over night. If they did, I would question the story. I like that you are taking baby steps, because someone with this much emotional damage and abandonment, along with trust issues, is always going to be waiting for that other shoe to drop. Or pushing any situations where shoes would even be involved to occur.

I so look forward to Fridays!

What You Don't Know, Ch. 22

I started this story upon the rec of my good friend, manyafandom, despite the fact that I have yet to see Tangled. Needless to say, at chapter 22, that it is not entirely necessary to have done so to enjoy your story and your writing immensely. I am sure once I do take my girls to see it, it will add another layer to this lovely storytelling.

Your Rapunzel/Goldie is allowed growth while maintaining the innocence of someone who has been kept from the world her whole life. I love her curiosity and her childlike nature of not knowing what is socially acceptable in behavior or company. The last few chapters are a real testament to you staying true to your characters while pushing them towards some emotional maturity they are both ready to learn/accept.

Eugene is a great study of struggling with identity. His whole life is based on surviving and hardening. It has been wonderful watching him war with instinct while softening due to his love for Goldie.

Finally, you have written such a great secondary character in the queen. She is humble, but sure in her role. She is patient with Eugene, and a calm guide for both him and Rapunzel. I love her "moments".

I so look forward to more!

Eye Candy, Ch. 14

I don't know what to call this new brand of story you guys have taken on. A drabble doesn't cover it, because it is a story in the end. It is not just a brief thought. I shall call them moments. Ironically, it is the other end of the spectrum from the epic chapter lengths of Marked.

I very much enjoyed Beyond the Gaze of a Boy, and am enjoying Eye Candy so far. It is just enough satisfaction each day while at the same time making tomorrow not come fast enough. After the fumblings of two young boys, the fact that these two are young, but mature men will be an interesting change of pace. I look forward to "seeing" you daily once again.

Semper Fidelis, Ch. 4

What a beautifully raw continuation of your beloved one-shot. How brave and wonderful of you to return him a disabled vet. They receive so little light, and they are so easily forgotten. The PVA is a cause close to my heart, so I can't tell you how enraptured I was with the continuation of this tale.

I'm so happy you wrote Edward so honest, human to losing his leg. He's angry and lost. I love that you didn't sugar coat it at all. So many others would have taken the easy route in that he has Bella still and is alive, so he will be strong and jump right into recovery and happiness. But you went for the gut, and had him angry and lost without his limb and his way of life. There is mourning for that. That is a tremendous loss, and you didn't trivialize it.

Bravo to you for once again blowing me away with your writing.

Drift, Ch. 14

I can't express how much I have enjoyed reading this story. Here is a Bella and Edward who's only pain is a lack of communication. Both are afraid of upsetting the status quo, but in the meantime are settling for almost.

In this case, we don't find them repressed sexually, but emotionally. I love your use of the snow storm to finally force them into truth. Truth that sets them free and gives them both what they truly desire. Each other, in every way.

Your writing leaves one feeling as if they are buried by the weight of the snow, and at once are pulled free. Your descriptors are delicious, and your people have real fears and doubts.

I really have enjoyed this, and I look forward to the final chapter. Thank-you so much for writing!

Drift, Ch. 9

This is a heartbreaking expose of the consequence of not communicating. Desperate for each other, but clinging to their silence. My heart breaks with every turn.

Looking forward to another twist of my soul in your next chapter.

The Road I'm On, Ch. 2

I am really enjoying this so far!

First off, I appreciate that you made Rosalie sweet. She is so often portrayed as the ice queen, and I see her being the soft, maternal woman if she had gotten what she wanted out of life.

I like the richness you have given the secondary characters, even in just these first two chapters.

Bella is going to be interesting, because I get the feeling that she has been dealing with this condition for a while, and that it was caused by some event, though we are unclear as to what. Also, you tease us with a possible physical deformity or maybe scarring of some sort.

I like Jasper as a therapist. It suits him.

Of Kith and Kin, Ch. 17

I have sat here for 4.5 hours and read this whole story up to this point. Your writing is smart, your emotions are true, and you are unwavering in the truth of heartbreak. I love the broken, yet confident Bella you have written. She is so very real in her apprehensions. Every thing is a consuming shade of gray, hazy and undecided. I am in complete adoration of this story.